i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
