its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
