she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
