i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
