This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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