I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
