So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
