Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
