My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
