woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
