white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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