I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
