i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
