You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
