just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
