Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
