Just cropdusted the office
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
