I skipped work to stalk him.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
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