he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
