so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
