Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
