She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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