Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
