Sponge bath it is.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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