I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
