apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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