i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
