i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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