it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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