I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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