elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
