This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
