I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
