and next time when you feel me up, do it right
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this just has baby written all over it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
