I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
