the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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