I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
