i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
