I will die if light touches me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
