That's intense
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
