So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently the secret to your success is patron
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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