im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
