The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
