I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
