Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
