I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
