I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
