RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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