Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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