for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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