he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
