i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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