omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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