very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
