he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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