wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize