This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
