i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
