Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
