I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
