if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
