Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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