Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
