My friends, they love my intelligence
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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