you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize