hell yes lets make some ravioli
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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