I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
