when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
