i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
