that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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