You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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