Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
