The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
