Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
