Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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