Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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