he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
