Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
