I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
