youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
